Collapsing Shack, AZ—After losing dozens of
potentially talented reporters and multiple lawsuits, the Daily
Discord’s CEO finally moved the official Discord ‘Casting Couch’ from
Mick Zano’s office. “This latest list of atrocities and abuses marked
the last straw,” said CEO Pierce Winslow. “And this time I mean it!”
As a result, threats, blubbering, and attempted bribery were heard echoing up and down the halls of Discord Central today.
“What can you expect?” said Winslow. “Do you see a lot
of women working here? Guess why that is? Yep, it’s because either Mick
Zano or the Ghetto Shaman scares them off. That and the fact we have no
toilets in the rest room. And don’t even get me started on what they
make the interns do. At this point, the only college that still sends us
any is that damn Hogbein Institute and Multiplex. And the last one I
got from there thought the World Wide Web was something from the Lord of
the Rings.”
In his defense, Zano brought up the fact Cokie McGrath still worked for the Discord, “so we can’t be all bad.”
Winslow then pointed out the fact McGrath has filed no
less than seven restraining orders against Zano and is even beginning
to doubt whether or not he can truly “make her a star.”
The Daily Discord
When Zano was given a chance for a rebuttal, he had
this to say. “This is completely unfair. Four of those restraining
orders are completely unjustified.” And somewhere in the background
someone did that badha bah, drum thing.
“Winslow could have at least waited until the Swedish exchange student bikini team had finished their tour,” added the Shaman.
Winslow countered by saying, “and I’m taking away that damn Badha bah drummer too!”
I caught up to local horror writer Michael D.
Griffiths, who tends to lurk around the office looking for free
pastries, and asked him if he knew of any inappropriate behavior going
on within the halls of the Discord.
“Umm, as long as begging, screaming, panting,
grunting, bribing, pleading, demanding, hanging up porn calendars, third
party harassment, quid pro quo, inappropriate emails, asking to wife
swap, hanging up flyers for office orgies, giving crude gifts, pinching,
hugging, froughting, naughty pantomiming, knee licking, trying to get
other employee to give out their daughter’s cell numbers, and hiring
topless dancers for lunch breaks are okay, then I think these guys are
pretty well behaved,” said Griffiths.
Mr. Griffiths later admitted, however, the Ghetto Shaman’s list would be “considerably longer.”
So as you can see, even with the loss of the infamous
Casting Couch not much will probably change around Discord Central. When
we asked Winslow where it would go, he said he was considering giving
the couch to the Crank. “That guy needs something to cheer him up.”
Now you have to excuse me, the Crank is researching
which bar has the best PBR pour in Mesa and the new interns from the
institute are due to arrive any minute. Can you open a locked door with a
church key? I mean they must call them keys for some reason.
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