Granbury, TX—In
a flurry of meteorological wrath, God unleashed hail, lightening, and
high winds this week on predominately Republican neighborhoods as he
looked on with his patented indifference.
"I don’t like the bastards," explained God. "They’re
hypocrites. Don’t say you’re doing shit in my name when you’re doing the
exact opposite."
When God was asked about the potential for going all
‘Noah flood’ or ‘Sodom and Gomorrah’ on their asses, God replied, "Noah
options are off the table." He then laughed at his own joke, loudly.
"Look, I’m not trying to be a dick about this, but I always target Tea
Party and Republican neighborhoods. Square states are Darwin’s shooting
range."
When asked about ideological incompatibilities, God
said, "I love Darwin, the monkey loving F&*K. But do not cut that
Noah pun out, Winslow! I can still smite shit!"
When asked about the fairness of targeting entire
towns for the poor behavior of a few, God said, "Sure you’re going to
get some liberal collateral damage. There are known knowns, things we
know that we know, known unknowns, Hah! Damn I miss Rumsfeld. Shame he’s
heading south. Truth be told, I don’t really care for people in
general. I believe I made that clear in the Old Testament."
As an omnipotent being, God’s Rumsfeld quote makes little sense in the context of....Aaaaaaah!!
No comments:
Post a Comment